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Why do Men Cheat

Why do Men Cheat?

Partners of men who have betrayed them are often the ones asking the question.

It is not uncommon to read answers to questions of infidelity that range from men being unhappy with their current partner, wanting a new sexual experience, or simply because men are ‘wired’ to look for sex. Most of the reasons seem to negate what only men know to be true about why they cheat.

The most common reason why men are unfaithful to their committed partner is that they are in PAIN (at least that is the number one reason I see in my private practice).  

Their promiscuity has nothing to do with either their current partner or the individual they are having an affair. Most times men who cheat embody the wounded masculinity. The wounded masculinity is the pervading feeling of being inadequate (often as men), not good enough, and fundamentally unlovable which drives them to betray.

From the paradigm of wounded masculinity, men feel essentially powerless and betrayal provides men with a fleeting experience of power. In securing sex from an individual, they feel a temporary sense of power and are able to mask the pain that comes from their sense of being wounded as men. In the end, the experience of infidelity only furthers the negative sense of self.

A truly powerful man would not need to betray a committed partner to feel better about themselves. That would be out of the framework of their thought process.  However, this does not of course negate the experience of temptation that will come up for all men. The truly powerful man will be tempted but will be able to move through the temptation because he will be able to clearly see the emptiness following the temptation would lead to.

Eric Pierni

Eric Pierni CSAT RP is a Registered Psychotherapist (RP), Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) | Founder of Men Therapy Toronto | Counselling Services for Men specializing in therapy and psychotherapy for men in Toronto, Ontario (GTA). Offices are located in the midtown (Yonge & Eglinton) area of Toronto.