Porn, Power, Men & Hope

Most (if not all) men do not want to be sitting alone in front of a computer for hours searching for the ideal scene to masturbate to. Yet, millions of men are doing so and with increasing regularity. These men are your children, siblings, partners, co-workers, parents, grandparents and possibly you.

Porn

Pornography addiction lacks a scientific definition simply because there is no objective way to measure whether a man is actually addicted to pornography. Most in the scientific community prefer to steer clear of attempting to codify or define normative sexual behaviours. As result, three hours of porn watching a day for one man may be a healthy expression of sexuality and a porn addiction for someone else. The lack of an agreed upon definition does not negate the existence of this powerful addiction.

Power

An addiction to pornography is an experience of powerlessness. Pornography is most magnetic to the man who feels powerless (emasculated). Sexuality and power are so deeply interwoven that a feeling of powerlessness in a man will make him feel defenseless to the pull of pornography. Pornography provides a fleeting experience of power because while viewing porn he is able to express his sexuality without seeming risk of exposure. There is no one on the other side of pornography to expose the man and so for a brief moment he feels powerful.

Men

Recovery from a porn addiction for men has absolutely nothing to do porn. At core most men who are addictively drawn to pornography are doing so because they feel deeply unworthy, unlovable and inadequate (powerless). Their sense of inadequacy is often related to how they feel about themselves as men. A man who is able to enter and experience the breath of his personal power would not be seductively drawn to pornography. His orientation would be towards genuine intimacy.

Hope

Struggles with pornography fall in the category of sexuality which is a challenging area for every single human being on the planet. A porn addiction is not a condemnation but rather a sign that there is an area which needs attention and healing. Many men have had the courage to look at the parts of themselves that need healing and by doing so have shattered the pull of porngraphy. Here are a few things that men can do if they are interested in becoming more whole and letting go of a porn addiction.

• Stop trying to stop watching porn – (porn is not the problem so trying to stop watching it won’t change anything)
• Decide if you are really ready to change – (there is courage in accepting that you may not be ready as there is in being ready)
• Get Help – (this could be a 12-step program, men’s group, therapist, pastor, etc. but not a significant other/partner)
• Do the work – (the work of focusing on the areas that you need to change in)
• Be Consistent – (it will take time, effort and courage but you will change if you are doing the right work and being consistent about it)
• Have Fun – (sounds odd but getting healthier can be fun and having a porn addiction doesn’t mean a man is bad/flawed but rather they have an area that needs work-no need to be so hard on yourself)