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Men Therapy Toronto - Powerlessness

Men Therapy Toronto


Powerlessness is not related to a lack of physical, intellectual, or financial strength. The experience of powerlessness in men is the experience of not feeling whole. Many men may experience power in certain areas of their life but not in others. For example, men may take great pride in their corporate or vocational success which provides an experience of power, and yet have an inexistent social or intimate life (powerlessness).

The feeling of powerlessness is connected with pain because when a man feels powerless it is excruciatingly painful. The area where the individual feels most vulnerable (powerless) is often the area that is most avoided. The man who is very successful in business may want all his social interactions to revolve around that subject because in that subject he feels powerful. All men have areas in their life where if they look closely they will realize that they feel powerless. The pain of feeling powerlessness almost always results in making suboptimal choices.

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Finding Your Eros (Life Force)

The term Eros is often connected with the concept of lust or sex. In its purest form, Eros is considered the life force. It is a positive energy that infuses the man to make life-giving choices. Finding one’s life force or power is essential to living to a life of meaning and purpose. It is a ‘catch 22’ for most men because there is an illusory belief that if they focus more strongly on the area where they feel powerful it will negate the area where they feel powerless. This is not the case. The man will most often always be controlled by the area of his life in which he feels powerless (even if unconsciously). Avoiding the area of your life where you feel powerless or vulnerable will not work. One must focus their attention on that area if they want to become truly ‘powerful.’

Help with Finding Your Power

Only the individual will know where they are losing power in their life. The man may be intimated around other men, around women, feel intellectually inferior or superior, physically weak, or inadequate. The first step in finding access to one’s true power is to honestly look at all the areas in their life where one loses power. This is courageous and difficult work but extremely important. Does a man hide behind his intellect, his spirituality or material possessions? The work is to stop the hiding and face directly why they’ve chosen to do so.