Emasculated Male (Gender Shame)

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In working with men often times the cornerstone perceived truth (i.e. false or limiting belief) is anchored in one of an emasculated male or gender shame.  The lived experience of the emasculated male is the belief that somehow they are lacking as men.  They feel essentially powerless.  The emasculated man may feel both embarrassed and ashamed of himself as a man.  As a result he may try desperately to either prove his masculinity to others or to hide the fact that he perceives himself lacking.  The limiting belief is one that for whatever reason the man is devoid of what it takes to be a ‘real’ man.  As a result he may live with a sense of terror of being found out as a such and decides to hide this from others at all costs.  The emasculated male is rooted in shame.  Shame is rooted in the desire to cover oneself up because one believes that they have either done wrong or more specifically are wrong.

Common expressions of the emasculated male include:

  • “I don’t feel like a man.”
  • “I don’t feel man enough.”
  • “I feel inadequate as a man.”
  • “Others laugh at me because they can see right now my lack of manliness”
  • “Masculinity and gender are useless social constructs”
  • “The word man, men or masculinity makes me cringe”

Emasculated Male (Gender Shame) Expanded

A typical response to the emasculated male is to ridicule the idea of masculinity.  To make fun of stereotypical male traits as relics from another era.  To suggest that the enlightened male is to surpass all these typical male traits and to live ‘free’ of all these barriers.  However, many times this thinking leads to a new type of enslavement.  These men feel empty inside and have lost access to their personal Eros (life force).  The enlightened male is not one that negates masculinity but rather one that fully embraces it and then chooses to embrace non-stereotypical male roles.  A man must first touch his power and then decide to use in a way that is nurturing, caring and loving.  To negate masculinity and then focus on being caring, loving & nurturing is essentially empty.

 


 

“The lived experience of the emasculated male is the belief that somehow they are lacking as men.”

– mentherapytoronto.com